I began to paint again, even though I could barely hold the brush, but knowing exactly what I wanted to paint, I began three more large canvases… of large wheat fields under cloudy skies, and it did not take a great deal to express sadness and loneliness… I believe these paintings say what words cannot.
No sense going into things too much. It is odd that most Artists are very sensitive and have deep lives and thoughts. 2019 has been a real punch-in-the-face year. More things have happened than I can keep up with. My Father died, I returned shakily to my religion, and struggling.(very long story, cannot possibly explain). Lost a friend of twenty some years because of my beliefs. Had to give up things painfully that meant a lot to me. My past is a useless wasteland, and my health is a never-ending challenge.
There are twelve million thoughts in my head of my past, my pain and how my Art seemed to push so much of my pain this year, but tried also to give some type of hope. I don’t think it is a good idea to paint pain without trying to offer a glimmer of hope, I think that would be wrong, and could upset people. A part of me wants to whip out what is left of my two canvases, or is it one? I forget, because sometimes painting takes a backseat. But anyway, I keep wanting to paint pain. Hasn’t worked well in selling. On Instagram, you see these broad, bright happy strokes and gets tons of likes. People want happiness in a world full of pain, can you blame them?
I do not really want to paint sad anymore than I want to be sad, it is overwhelming. You go to your paint supplies, put on some song, and the pain comes out. How is it perceived? It matters. My Painting: Raw Pain is an example. I like it a lot, but you can tell I was upset when I did it.
I hope there is more to me to paint than pain. Typical Artist though. There is so much more to us than meets the eye. Van Gogh, Pollock suffered from depression. It is all too easy. Art is an expression, and as I keep saying, it is one I take very seriously.
I need to reach for the brighter colors, keep trying instead of the sad ones…
This song I have found, is beautiful and I think everyone can relate to it. It is by Christian Singer Sarah Reeves, but talks about depression. Sometimes you do not want to take a pill, and just create more problems. Sometimes it is not clinical, It is life. Some of us get the rough end of things, and have minds that just cannot feel better by pushing a button. Everyone might judge you, might think what they will about your pain, and want you to get over it, but that is on them. I feel this is one of the average Artists traits. We have to let it out somehow, and writing and other hobbies just do not do it.