I am going through a tough time emotionally. Trying to learn piano, trying to find time to paint, plus feeling as if I have to be perfect in every single thing in my life. Society teaches us to be perfect no matter what, and if you are not, then you will be bitched at. Never mind the affect it has on your health, your well being or anything else for that matter, we all must be neatly put together in life, and give off the persona of excellence. That is what we see in our social media feeds. Perfect bodies, perfect lives, people trying to portray that image because it is what is expected of us.
I was watching an old movie today, and just grabbed my canvas after a day or two of thinking on it, and instantly whipped out the painting: Not Perfect. It is a hardcore reflection of my feelings and with just a few swipes, I portrayed my feelings exactly.
At first glance, this painting looks simple, but anybody who understands art will know it is anything but that. It represents two colors, black is very emotional to me. It is the perfect color to express oneself. Blue is the bright feelings you try to get regardless of how tired and worn down you are, you insist on the brightness. This painting is more complex than words could ever say.
I am upset emotionally in many ways lately, and something intuitive inside of me today said: “It’s okay to not know, to not be okay with things, to not understand,, to not have answers, It’s okay”.
I don’t know how to feel because perfection is what I strive to have a lot in my mind’s landscape. I was looking out the window at leaves falling, and for some reason immediately thought: “They are falling before they even have a chance to change color”. I realized I was talking about myself without even realizing it. I am not a finished work of art, or a masterpiece, and I feel like leaves that are being forced to fall before they are done.
So, as I try to unravel my mind which is messy, and that is …okay. We should all stop what we are doing, and say that to ourselves once a day at least for awhile, and see what it does. The rabbit hole goes deeper than we know it does.
This painting, and others is for sale on My Shop